I started out, as far as I can remember, speaking Stoney. Then I
moved to Calgary and learned English. Now I understand Stoney very well, but I
don't speak that much. Calgary was where I started school. School was like a
law and you did not break it. I was brought up in a very demanding home. If
you missed one day of school you were looking for punishment. Once I got used
to school, I really came to like it.
Later on this driving force behind me -- pushing -- got to me. I didn't
have time to enjoy myself. I couldn't take that any more. I quit school and
moved back to the reserve when I was fourteen. My grandfather needed me then,
to help him around the farm.
I had a big dream to join the army. I applied at 14, but I was under age.
Over the years I reapplied. But each year the entry requirements changed and I
no longer had an adequate education. My first time back at school was when I
was 18 and I came to AVC in Calgary. It was a frightening experience. Not
school, I expected those responsibilities. What I didn't expect was how fast
moving everything was. Just getting around the city was a problem for me. I
didn't have my freedom. I lived under someone else's authority. There were
financial obligations and I was lonely. I got as far as grade 11 in English.
Reading and writing were things I loved. What really started getting me down
was that my sponsorship, which came from Indian Affairs, was cut off completely.
I was so determined to finish that I travelled back and forth from the reserve
for one whole semester. This meant getting up at four a.m. to arrive in Calgary
for my classes.
When I finished that semester I was exhausted. There were family problems
too. I went back to the city and worked in casinos, but I thought there was
something better I could do. I started to look around for something related to
the army because that is what I always wanted. But then my mother needed me and
I moved home. I worked at odd jobs, but didn't do any schooling.
This program started for me in October. Personally, it restored my sense of
caring. For a while I hadn't cared about having any wants or needs. I didn't
have any energy to drive myself. Instead I just sat like a bump on a log. I
had to do something so I talked to the instructor. At first I didn't have any
enthusiasm, but soon things changed and I enjoyed trying to meet a challenge.
Now I have all my GED subjects except math, which I will write in June. I also
study social science by correspondence.
I feel a lot of doors are opening. When I had my interview to get into this
program and they asked what kind of career goal I would like, I told them the
army. But I really didn't believe that anymore. I said it to get into the
program. Soon my instructor started talking about Lethbridge Community College
where there is a Criminal Justice Certificate Program. That really pushed me
forward. All my applications are in and I have been accepted for September,
1992.
Now I have a sense of responsibility and direction. Maybe from the outside,
if a stranger came, this person might not see the program here as something
special. However, for those of us involved, it means everything.
