An important strand of my teaching philosophy is to deal with emotions, my own and the students', so they don't get in the way of the learning. This comes partly from my training as a Life Skills Coach (Saskatchewan NewStart Model). My coach trainer, Audrey Adilman, used to say that it will probably take less than a minute to acknowledge the emotions that come up in the moment; that if you leave it for an hour, it might take two minutes to deal with them; if you leave it until the next day it might take half an hour, and if you leave it for longer, who knows how long it will take?
How does expressing our feelings help? It helps us keep control of our emotions, helps us identify problems, and helps us maintain clarity in our relationships with other people.
According to the Life Skills lesson on expressing feelings (Core lessons for life skills programs, 2004), saying "I'm frustrated" or "I'm mad " or "I'm happy," releases the hold the emotion has on you a little, so that you can concentrate on other things, and think and act rather than just emote. Maintaining control over emotions is helpful in the classroom where so many people are working in a public space. Certainly as an instructor, I'm happy when people can control their emotions so I don't have to control the people. I'd much rather someone say, "I'm really frustrated when I keep getting these questions wrong," instead of slamming his books down and stamping out, swearing under his breath, or out loud. Furthermore, a student who can say what is bothering him may be able to go on working, or ask for help, or use some strategy he has for dealing with stress or anger.
Sometimes a problem shows itself first in a feeling—we notice our muscles are tense, or our palms are sweaty, before we can articulate what is wrong. Paying attention to feelings can help us identify problems: "Every time you mention denominators, the pit of my stomach falls out." "Whenever you lean over to look at my work, I stop breathing." Such feelings help pinpoint a problem, and identifying a problem is the first step in solving it.
Expressing a feeling, and owning it as our own, helps maintain clear relationships with others. If I am worried, but don't say so, the worry may look like anger to someone else—withdrawal, blank stare, drawn-in shoulders, silence, holding my breath. If a student looks at those behaviors and assumes I'm angry, suddenly I have two problems—the thing I was originally worried about and a relationship with a student that needs to be repaired. If I can say, "I'm worried because I'm not sure if we can get this whole activity finished in the time we've got left, and it won't be good to leave it half-done until Monday," then the student is clear that I'm not angry at him, and I have only one problem to deal with—a scheduling problem, not a relationship problem.
Return to note 1 I am indebted to Karen Burns, my colleague at Malaspina University-College, for her help in elaborating the ideas in this chapter.