Common Experiences of Abused Women

Research shows that women who are abused by their partners share similar experiences. What changes is the length of abuse and the intensity.

Denial:

A frequent reaction to early incidents of abuse may be to deny that she has been violated physically, emotionally and/or sexually. She may downplay the incident by saying, "He's not abusive because he's never hit me." "He only shoved me." "Sometimes, I just give in to sex, but he doesn't sexually abuse me." The abused woman may feel ashamed and may not want others to know.

Self-Blame:

Guilt and confusion may occur as the abused woman recognizes that she has been violated. The abused woman may blame herself due to:

• low self-esteem. She may begin to believe she deserved or caused the abuse.
• others blaming her. Professionals, (i.e., ministers, police, doctors, lawyers) family or friends may not believe or understand the abused woman, may blame her or may refuse to get involved. If the woman receives support from her friends, her partner may stop the woman from seeing them, resulting in isolation and lack of support to leave.

Seeking Help:

Seeking help often begins with talking to family or friends. The woman may also choose to seek professional help from counsellors, police, elder/clergy/spiritual leader/minister, doctors, etc. The woman has a right to receive services from professionals who place the responsibility for stopping the violence on the abusive man.