What are the hallmarks of victimhood that I observed in my years at the Center for Nonviolence? Primary to victimhood is the woman’s focus on changing the abuser: if only he would just (insert any desired change), everything would be all right, and there would be no abuse. She appears horrified and furious at what the perpetrator has said or done to her. She wants him to change his behavior, his anger, and his denial of a problem. A victim focuses on the partner, wants to change his behavior and his mind about her being the stupid, worthless, ugly creature he says she is. Also primary is her engagement in power struggles with the abusive partner, who may be a life partner, a friend, a parent, or her children. She may participate in the “fighting;” she may bristle at this partner’s controlling behavior—his or her not allowing her to go out with her girlfriends, to spend money without prior approval, to take classes of any sort; and she may complain, complain, complain about her lot in life. Another hallmark of victimhood is linguistic: she may not comprehend his behavior with the linguistic categories of abuse and violence, especially if there is infrequent or low physical damage violence such as pushing or shoving. When a victim sees herself and the abuse she endures only within the boundaries of her relationship to an abuser, as something private, she can see the resolution to violence and abuse only within the dynamics of the relationship. To be a survivor, she must come first to see her “self” as separate from his, and she must recognize and assert that she deserves to be treated with respect. Moreover, to be a survivor, according to support group facilitators at the Center for Nonviolence, a woman also must recognize the abuse and violence in broader, socially constructed terms—not an easy task fifteen or fifty years ago, and not an easy task today, despite the public’s much greater awareness of issues related to domestic abuse and violence.