I tried not to think about myself if I could help it—I guessed I was dumb—oh everybody knew it about me, my teachers, my brothers, they all treated me terrible—worse than the dog I bet. Sometimes I remember but mostly I try to ignore it (the memories). I used to try to ignore me—it was easier that way. When you ask me to think about me I have a hard time—I never mattered—or at least that's how I felt. I mean I probably mattered to my Mom maybe when I was really young but she couldn't see the things that went on and she was old anyway. There was no point in complaining because no one really believed it or cared. I thought I was supposed to be mature now and forget everything. Now I know that someone else will listen and feel for me, even though I can't change anything and to think about it still upsets me—but I know that someone cares and that gives me hope that I can feel better about myself.

Reflection

For some women, the process of reflection and using their imagination was also a shift.

I never used to think about anything—now I have so much to think about! The learning group gave me an opportunity to think about everything in an imaginable way, to be more understandable I give you an example. One day I was exploring the town on my bicycle. I saw an ordinary fence that was glowing like gold because the sun was shining on it. It amazed me because it made me think of how gold is a treasure, like the treasure of paper from wood. In group we write on paper and print in books which are treasures too. I never would have thought like this before the learning group.
— Natalia

Before group I would never turn my mind to think about things. When I came to group I started to think this way.

What Now?

As I write, four months have passed since the project ended. Four of the women have returned to the writing group eager to continue their journey into self-discovery and learning. One woman felt overwhelmed by the project process, frightened that the group was moving more quickly into a new level of comfort that she did not share. When a much larger and longer conference came up, she was definite that it was too much for her to attend. She has yet to return to the Learning Centre.