My journal shows how difficult it was for me to express emotions or write about emotional events; again, how do students feel? For most, being unable to learn is very emotional, no matter what the source of the learning difficulties. I needed to remember that when memories or ineptitude (the rug) got in the way, I couldn't think or organize myself let alone do this writing.

Accepting Emotions, Creating Trust

I now spend more time with students before matching them with tutors, looking for the emotional connections that must be made rather than simply finding the student's academic needs and matching them with a tutor who has the requisite skills. I've always known that it's important for a teacher or tutor to like the student. Now I understand that when a student has experienced violence the connection needs to be deep enough that they feel accepted with their history. As program coordinator, it's up to me to be the gatekeeper, to make entering the program feel safe.

If a student seems especially fragile emotionally, I may continue working with them past the original assessment. By beginning the tutoring process myself, I have the opportunity to see how they react to errors made and requests to try new things—to take risks.

When a learner has experienced violence at the hands of others, an attempt to read a new word, compose a sentence, or explain a paragraph can feel very threatening. When your life has seemed like a danger zone, your need for safety is paramount; everything else is secondary. I was certainly in no danger while trying to sew or exercise or make a rug, so the distress I felt was totally out of proportion to the situation. It was only through writing in my journal that I made the connection between my initial failures and earlier times when someone else's disapproval could bring emotional or physical pain. By going through that process, I understood why new learning can feel so intimidating. Until students begin to trust their ability to learn, they may not be ready to work with a volunteer tutor.

The one-on-one model of teaching or tutoring is necessarily about creating trust. Feelings are often revealed in body language and facial expressions, and I need to pay attention to those communications as well as to words, and teach tutors to do the same. It seems that we say what we think, but show what we're feeling. To determine which tutors will work well with students dealing with violent backgrounds, I have one-on-one interviews with new tutors, both at the time of tutor training and again before matching them with students.