Flexibility

Once we settled into the new space and our group knew what to expect every day, there were no surprises. The only things that changed were the activities. This is where the flexibility became essential. I had to be willing to throw away an entire lesson if needed. Even the best thought-out exercises don't work for every group every day. It is difficult to describe how I knew when to change course. I was very careful to watch the group members, when they were preparing to write, as they wrote and as they shared their writing. Even the banter between exercises provided important clues to the students' needs. I watched for signs of boredom, discomfort, fatigue and distraction, and made changes accordingly.

As an example, during one session we had a member who was obviously agitated. She was disrupting the class because she couldn't sit still and be quiet. Janet and I had planned a series of rather introspective prompts. Seeing that this participant could not keep up with the class, I changed the lesson plan mid-stream. I asked the class to write down a page full of lies. I told them to fill the page, go wild, write sideways, write with a crayon—but that none of what they wrote could be true. This energetic question encouraged a point-form list answer. The participants didn't have to keep a train of thought going. The agitated participant immediately calmed down and began writing.

Our course design was a living thing, like a house in progress. The walls and the roof were the consistent class structure. They were solid and dependable, a safe, warm place.

Balancing Goals

Balancing the goals of the group and my goals as a researcher was very difficult. Janet and I were a great match as co-facilitators. We had similar research goals as well as the same ideas and viewpoints about how groups such as ours should be handled. We had the same values of creating a safe space and the same beliefs about how the participants should be treated and respected. We had a consistent structure. Within that we could change and adapt.

My difficulty came partway during our course. I became uncomfortable with having specific motives that were different from the participants'. My ultimate purpose in organizing this group was to see how I would be able to incorporate what I learned from the VALTA course in my practice: How would my practice change, exactly? The participants had no real interest in this goal. They came to learn and socialize, and most often they were looking for something, anything, to help them make changes in their lives. I felt guilty that I was using their experiences for my goals. I was off balance.