For one session we wrote about inner and outer beauty and brought in a basket of lotions, shower gels, and bath salts for the women to take home. These small things are so often left out on tight budgets, and one woman commented that she felt feminine and pampered.

Familiar Routines

One week we changed the meeting day to accommodate other commitments. Most of the group were unable to attend on the alternative day, but phoned to say they would be away or came in to find out what they would be missing. Still, we found the change was disruptive for the group, so we made a point of keeping the meeting time consistent after that.

Laurie and I believed it was important to have routines. I knew that my children were more relaxed with familiar routines, and I trusted my instinct that the writing group would also be more relaxed with routines. By following a set routine, the women would always know what was going to happen next. There would be no frightening surprises. Each writing session followed a similar pattern. We started each session with free writing and then introduced one or more prompts for further writing. After writing, we read our pieces aloud to the group, if we chose to, and responded to each piece that was read.

We were fortunate to write with Deborah Morgan in the group for two sessions. She taught us to respond to the writing—"I really like the way that you said that"—and to the writer—"You sound really excited about seeing your boyfriend this weekend. Do you have something special you like to do together?" Initially Laurie and I commented on each piece of writing shared, and eventually the women in the group began to respond to each other. In the last session with Laurie, the women all wrote about how much it meant to them to hear the comments or, as Kris called them, our insights. A lot of our connecting came through sharing our responses with one another.

Flexibility within Routines

Flexibility with the writing prompts was important. I learned not to come with a set plan for the writing sessions, but instead to come with some options and check with the group at the start to have a sense of where we might go. I tried to save prompts that I suspected could be potentially more sensitive for times when the group was feeling close and safe. I watched and listened carefully to body language and conversations. Profane language and angry movements (i.e., banging doors or cups) were indications that I needed to start with gentle writing prompts. For example, I held off on using a prompt to write about broken glass on a day that one of the women came in talking loudly about a man's recent mistreatment of her. I suspected that writing about broken glass could provoke memories of violent incidents and should be kept for a time when the group had established a feeling of closeness and calm. Another time, a woman thought she had finally found a roommate and apartment. When that fell through she was reasonably edgy and distracted. I knew that would not be a time for potentially emotional prompts.