A Personal Story
About Learning and Medication

My name is Cathy, and I was at the tutor session on medication and learning. I got an idea to write about my experience as a ex-psychiatric patient that was on medication to try to help you all understand our story and life. I am 28 years old and have been in and out of hospitals since I was 19 years old. I've been on and off medication ("meds") and have lived in group homes and hospitals and I'm now on my own. I've been trying to improve my education for years. Now I would like to help you understand me.

Life on Meds

When I think about meds and what I felt like on them I was so doped up that I couldn't think or see right. It became my only way of life. I was afraid to try other ways. The drugs can be very powerful and can cause you to be very sleepy and you have blurred vision. After about four weeks the side effects become less.

I would see someone getting more drugs and would become jealous and want more. When I was in hospital I would watch the others, act out and copy them. Then I would ask for extra medication and get them.

Drugs become a way of life. Learning was hard. The first few days after a needle, you can feel high and can't come down.

I felt like I lost control of my life. The pills stopped me from feeling and growing. I felt I had lost a lot of my self-esteem. Some people don't feel this way. Some people can get on with their lives. But there are many that can't.

Withdrawal

Sometimes doctors would take people off their meds to try new ones out. They have to wait two weeks before they can start new medications. Some doctors do it slowly and some do it cold turkey. I've been on meds and through cold turkey withdrawal and slow withdrawal. Some people get the shakes and cold sweats and even get sick to their stomach on buses and cars. Some don't feel anything.

There is also a dependency that is all in the head. Getting used to not taking a pill. What I do about that is take a vitamin pill. It helps with that problem.

Learning on Meds

It can be hard to learn new skills because you are so doped up.When I was on meds I only did a little at a time. If I learned a new word that would be great. Now I've been off them for six months. I still feel like I've lost a lot of control in my life. I'm afraid to try new things like school. I feel like I'm getting more control but it takes time. I also feel I'm gaining old skills back.

Hints for Tutors

I feel you as a tutor need to be supportive and look at the good your student. There is much more going on in your student's lives besides meds. The fear of being homeless, loneliness, fear 'hospital and being discharged from a safe place to a cold world.