The Assertive Way to Ask and Say No

The way to be assertive is to be clear and honest. If you tell people what you want, they know what you want.

A. The assertive way to ask

Here are the four steps to ask in an assertive way:

1. Say something that is true. You can talk about a problem or say how you feel.
   
   
2. Ask for what you want. Be clear. (describe what you like)
   
   
3. If they say no, ask for a second choice. 4. If they say no again, accept it gracefully.

B. The assertive way to say no

Here are the four steps to say no in an assertive way:

1. Say something caring.
   
   
2. Say no.
   
   
3. Explain why you say no (if you want to).
   
   
4. Ask to do something else instead (if you want to).

Adapted from Centre for AIDS Services Montreal (Women), with permission.