A Cautionary Tale
or Aren't you glad that you know Wen-Do?
by Jane Field

Well, I was rolling down the street one day feeling pretty good when a man came up behind me and said,

"Hey honey - give me all your cash, give me what you've got."

And I said, "Hey I don't want trouble - you want my money? Here, you've got it, just go away now."

But he said, "That's not all, you know, no that won't do - there's something else I want from you."

And I said, "Why sure, I'll give you something else. You want my wheelchair? my crutches? Here take them. God knows I never really wanted them anyway. Here you go."

But he said, "You know that's not what I mean little lady. You just back up in this alleyway here and I'll show you what I mean."

He said, "I'll be doing you a favour."

Well, this was when I knew I'd done all the verbal reasoning I was going to do and little did this guy know that he was up against: Wen-Do.

So, I looked him right in the eye and I yelled "HUT."

And he took a step back.

I wheeled right on up to him and I reached out and grabbed him by the neck.

Well he wasn't expecting that, I don't think. I pulled him down to my level and let fly a zipper punch to his nose, a hammer fist to his collar bone and an eagle's claw to his eyes for good measure.

Well that was all pretty soft stuff, so I used a knife hand to his throat and a Wen-Do fist to his abdomen and he dropped to the ground.

I saw I was about done, so I wheeled on down the street and dialled 911 (for him).

From the album The Fishing Is Free by Jane Field. Hedgehog Songs. Used by permission.