Connection

Learners and workers spoke often of the value of the literacy group as a place of connections. But the connections around shared experience of violence are not often made. When I interviewed one group of learners, one learner did not want to be part of the group, she said she was too scared to talk in a group. However she came at the group time by mistake and was quickly drawn in by the other students. She began to tell her story and they told pieces of their stories to help her believe that she too would come through and could cope alone with small children. By the end of the session they had exchanged phone numbers and agreed to baby-sit each others' children and offer whatever support was needed. These women showed the value of connection for support to help each other “hang in there” when school, single parenting, living on welfare, dealing with stalkers and intrusive memories all felt too much. But they were all adamant that if a support group for survivors was held they would not go because they would not want to be seen attending. They said they were scared to be seen coming to the interview session and had ducked in the door quickly hoping no one would see them. Yet the value of connecting with others with a shared experience was clear, when they quickly stopped talking to me and began talking to each other.

Connection requires trust. Speaking/listening and reading/writing are also about connection to others and trust that it is possible to communicate something. Several learners talked about the “smiling face” as a way of hiding the pain that they were experiencing. They spoke of not telling or writing about their abuse in the program because they wanted to protect those who had not experienced violence from the horror of hearing about such experiences, and because they were afraid that they would be judged. During the interview session I held with members of a women-only group that had been working together for some time, one woman spoke about her experiences of violence for the first time. At the end of the session she talked about how good she felt to have spoken out and immediately began to write. She gave me a copy and later turned her writing into a piece for publication in a collection of student writings.

During the interview session she, and other women, talked about how hard it is to share such stories of violence with other women. This led to workers suggesting that workshops would be useful to educate everyone about issues of violence. Workshops might help all program members to be sensitive to the range of needs of those who have experienced violence. Participants might be less likely to judge survivors critically, less likely to ask: “Why don't you (or why didn't you) just leave?” and be more prepared to change their own behavior if necessary, in order to help make the program a safer place for everyone to build trust and make connections.