My respect for women's journeys has doubled in the last year. I will never underestimate the fear attached to identifying with women's issues. I no longer see women in terms of either being feminist or not. I see them as women who have had varying levels of privilege and safety which enabled them or stopped them from making choices in their lives or telling the truth about their lives.

We explored many of the basic notions of feminism. I found it very interesting that whenever I thought I was talking about feminism words like "patriarchy," "oppression" and even "feminism" would come up. I would have to search around to explain these words in more accessible language. At the end of some of these discussions it was very clear to me why these women didn't feel included. This was not their language.

I found it really difficult to find material with good content that was accessible to the group. I spent a lot of time trying, sometimes unsuccessfully, to adapt materials. Most materials assume a middle class upbringing, a university education and/ or some history with the ideas. I realized I need more planning time to rewrite and adapt articles and ideas if I want to offer any real content. Not having the time to do this is a constant source of frustration to me. I am hopeful that some day there will be a large body of material to draw on. Next time I write an application for a women's group I will double the planning time.

Working in a crisis fog

Literacy work is shrouded by what I call "crisis fog." We are always reacting to a crisis and rarely creating a vision for the future. There always seems to be a good reason for the crisis, but it is determined to stop us from being able to do thoughtful and well planned work. In some cases we feed it, by not doing enough planning or something, but in most cases we are not responsible. I see how limited our power is and how we are made to feel that we are working on borrowed time. We are a field dominated by women who are often too grateful for any handout. I wonder how this could be different. I dream of five-year funding periods where we could really make plans for a change.

Luckily, the story does not end here. We were finally able to afford a second space, however temporarily. Since the group has moved, I am completely transpired. Minimal interruptions and room to move! The new space has three small rooms with doors, one room is for a baby-sitter to sit with the kids, the other room is to work on the computer and there is a large space for the group. Doing the group no longer weighs on me like it used to. We can focus. We can stand up from the table and move around. We can practice the play in the same space we write it. I see the women taking more ownership now since they are no longer competing for air space. All this should be so basic, but for us it is luxury and we know we cannot sustain it for very long.