Even I was reminded, during the research, of the importance of this work, and the lack of sensitivity most of us carry with us about the realities of others. In order to collect data, I suggested we each keep a journal. Each participant could personalize the night's discussion if she wished or she could add information and stories that she had not shared with the group. I am a compulsive journalized myself. I teach English and have often relied on journals to encourage comfortable, creative writing assignments for students. I heard no dissention as we agreed to this part of the methodology. I bought pretty books for each participant and I waited for entries to arrive.

Several women were ferocious in their work. Carrie wrote beautifully and poetically, using the exercise as a form of therapy. Cynthia used only writing, finding that talking in the group was too painful. Maggie made me laugh and Jody showed a wisdom far beyond her years; Cheryl wrote me letters.

But I failed to understand that a hurting child, although now a grown woman, might still be hurt. And I learned this from the women. Tammy: "I really don't like writing in the journal. It's hard but I'm doing it. I'm having a hard time doing it but I know why. ... It's because prior to the major event of abuse starting in my life, I used to write down anything and everything. I was always writing. When that happened, I threw away every notebook and every piece of paper I ever wrote on and said I'd never write anything again. ... I didn't have anything good to write so I wasn't going to write anything."

Invaded: "I once started a journal and I was told by my father that something like that was just ammunition for my mother to use against me--it's black and white--so I never got into writing anything down. Besides which, you start writing down things that are personal and you seem to bleed allover again. ... It's very painful." Beth: "I find writing it down is painful and it's not only painful but it's bringing me back to the events that happened."

Had I stopped to analyze this activity through the eyes of a hurting child, I might have seen what a painful process it could be. How easily we assume we can understand the feelings of our students, using our own feelings as a gauge.

Continuity of Contact with Personnel
Tammy sadly told us that it took her a long time to begin to trust a teacher. In fact, she often was just reaching that point when June came around and she was moved to another room; the work of learning to trust began allover again. "When I left the last teacher, I wasn't her problem any more," Tammy recounted. It seemed that all her previous teachers were no longer accessible to her.

We discussed this aspect of education at length. Together we devised a scenario of an in-school daycare centre staffed with childcare workers who have a role in the lives of the older children too. Each child in every grade would be required to spend time in the daycare, working with the childcare counsellor, witnessing problem-solving techniques and non-violent parenting. Teachers at the school would be encouraged to place their own pre-schoolers in this centre and to spend time with them throughout the day supplementing the staff at the centre and working with the older children present. The children would then see a more human and less formal side of the teachers and would also learn appropriate care of children and positive interaction with others. The early childhood educators in this scenario become key players in the school personnel, as they are constant figures in the life of the students as they pass from grade to grade. In addition, they serve as examples of adults in a teaching role whose primary goal is not academic but loving.