"I wonder why
I feel stupid, I
wonder why
learning is a
struggle. I
shouldn't
wonder. "

I spent four months writing frantic messages to another student on the bathroom walls-she had responded to my gay rights graffiti. She had come out to some of her "friends "; they had raped and beaten her. I could not give her my name or my number, she had no one else to talk to. My powerlessness made me angry. It also made me aware of my isolation. A year as the high school poster child for queerness did not come without risks.

****

VIOLENCE CAN BE...

Violence can be psychological, emotional, physical, spiritual and economic. It can be committed by institutions and/or by individuals; it can also be part of a system of rules and beliefs. Women experience violence differently as a result of oppression based on race, class, age, ability and sexual orientation. Violence touches each of us in our society. It is something that any woman can experience and many women do.

Violence takes the form of:

  • sexist, racist, homophobic or otherwise hurtful jokes, comments or course materials
  • stereotypes about women with disabilities, women of color, lesbian and bisexual women, women from different ethnic communities or women who speak English as a second language
  • exposing children to violence
  • stalking
  • sexual or racial harassment or assault by anyone including educators and peers
  • sexual, physical and ritual abuse by those in positions of power over girls and women
  • psychological abuse, such as being told you are stupid or incapable of doing something
  • preventing a girl or woman from attending school, sleeping or doing her homework

I am frightened to have a debate, with a man that is. I always feel stupid-the same way I feel when I try to write essays or do anything academic. I fear being accused of irrationality. I feel that if I seem emotional my points become invalid, like maybe I'm just a woman... That phrase, "just a woman," where have I heard it before? From male friends in high school who would joke about how stupid women were or talk about their bodies as degraded, objectified abstractions; or from one of my family members who instructs his small boys not to hurt me because I'm "just a girl" but won't stop invading my personal space himself or from another family member who insults and demeans the women who are close to him but idolizes his son... I wonder why I feel stupid, I wonder why learning is a struggle. I shouldn't wonder.

One of the first decisions we made about the project was about the definition of the term violence. We felt that violence was more than the physical abuse it is often assumed to be. We included psychological, sexual, financial and ritual abuse, as well as discrimination based on anything including sexist, racist, ableist, heterosexist, ageist and classist attitudes. Although we worked long and hard to come up with this definition--speaking with each other, with other women and sometimes to ourselves--we still find it difficult to state. While writing it out for the booklets, we were concerned about clear language and being understandable, about having a definition short enough to be manageable but also inclusive. We did not want any woman to read our work and feel that whatever she suffered was not valid. The following excerpt from our booklets is what we finally settled on.



Back Contents Next