You can't tell she's handicapped when she's sitting down
This is what my teacher said to my mother on parent teacher night. I can only guess what she meant, and I am certain that her bias affected the quality of my education. Was her focus my academic work or on disproving stereotypes?

What kind of self-concept had I arrived at that I agreed to answer to the name Beast?

However, much later in life a co-worker who had an intellectual impairment shed some light on this concept. We were by and large the token gimps in our workplace and we had many discussions on the ableism around us. In one of these discussions he concluded that the problem was that I had a gimp in the leg, he had a gimp in the brain, and some people couldn't tell the difference.

Maybe that teacher was learning about the difference. But why at my expense? Isn't this the responsibility of those who educate the teachers?

The beast, or everyday is Halloween

By the time grade seven rolled around, I found my self answering to the Dame Beast or other less dramatic terms like hop-along. What kind of self-concept had I arrived at that I agreed (implicitly) to answer to Beast? I had become so de-sensitized that it no longer bothered me to be referred to as inhuman.

Why the reference to Halloween? We dress up, sometimes like scary monsters. Is a disability scary? Does someone's disability remind us of our frailties, of death? Is that why the other kids found it difficult to accept that I had a disability?

Wouldn't it be funny to see her run

This was written-printed, published-under my year book picture. I was devastated. I did not keep a copy of that book. Now I wish I had one to remind myself of the courage it took for me to go to school. The phrase summed up my experience. I had no personality to these people. Someone on staff had given the OK. What kind of a place was it? Hostile. My response was to became a very apathetic student and eventually a high school drop out. Whose responsibility was it to create a supportive learning environment? Why were they negligent in doing this?

In retrospect, watching me fun might well have been funny in a Monty Python, Ministry of Silly Walking kind of way. Running with crutches, or a brace, can be done. It requires balance and experience and strength and persistence. It's like riding a bicycle using only one leg: it is mechanically possible and slightly different than using two legs.

University: a sophisticated version of public school

After having some positive experiences, I recovered enough self esteem to complete a B.Sc. and an M.Sc. By and large my university experience was a more sophisticated version of my public school experience. To date, the hardest knowledge I gained was learning how to walk more effectively. My teachers were creative, compassionate and determined physiotherapists who were dedicated to my being successful. They understood the importance of trust. They shared in my triumphs and my setbacks. They also knew that I had to learn from myself: close your eyes and a take a step, listen to your body and adjust your movements accordingly.

There were a few other educators along the way, from public school to my thesis defense, who could also make this leap from providing instruction and communicating knowledge to enabling success. Integral to being able to do that is the understanding that disability rights are human rights.

The most valuable lessons I have learned about human rights I learned by examining my own experience: when were my needs, feelings, thoughts, wants and self-determination respected, and when were they neglected or denied? And what adjustments do we all need to make, personally and societal, to ensure that the rights that we value are shared by all people?

Carol Bast is a member of the Disabled Women 's Network of Vancouver



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