Thank you for providing me with a copy of the revised draft. I realise that much thought has gone into the wording so far. Therefore, I assume that the parts to which I react have been purposely worded that way. However, for what it's worth:

In outlining the screening services, putting "should" before "include" leaves even the mammogram in doubt. The Standards to be met state that Screening Services "shall" include all 3 components in some way.

Suggest:

- deleting "should",
- following the standards a little more closely by:
- listing "learning about" breast self-examination" 2nd (delete "teaching of");
- referring to clin. breast exam. 3rd, delete "a" before "clinical Breast examination..." (I wish we could add "provision for", but it wouldn't pass the literacy test)
- I find the sentence about the "doctor" confusing. We all know that the "doctor" rarely 'makes an appointment', it's done by support staff. What we really mean is "without seeing/calling a doctor first" or "without a referral from a doctor".

I hope you can make sense of this. Let me know if there are questions.
"Bonne chance"!