First I mentioned the tremendous fear I felt when I first started talking about what was happening to me. I felt my husband's presence and was always looking over my shoulder expecting him to be there, angrily bearing down on me. I emphasized that the first step was such a major one. Fortunately, I had people who were quite aware, so I didn't have to convince any of the important people in my life of the reality of my situation. I had to convince myself that it was serious, becoming unmanageable and having a negative effect on the way our children were being raised. And it was up to me to face the reality.

In the years before I left, when joint counselling sessions pointed to the need for my spouse to take responsibility for his actions, this meant we had to find a better counsellor. I told about the calls counsellors made to me, warning of the dangerous situation I was in, and of how I told them I thought I could handle it. I mentioned the many times I convinced myself it would be okay to go back, because I remembered only the positive memories. I spoke about the people who said, "Think about this or that before you do it." I told of a wonderful doctor who told me that when I could no longer take it, he would put me in the hospital as an escape, which he did. I told about the support from Social Services and of the community. At the end I said, "The best thing now is that my husband and I are on friendly terms."

Recognizing Participants' Experiences

Looking back, I wonder what others were feeling as they attended the workshop, perhaps with violence issues of their own. The importance of presenting the workshop in a warm, caring atmosphere where everyone felt safe cannot be understated. At one point in the Pincher Creek workshop, one of our tutors told her group about a very abusive situation she had been in. None of us had known anything about it. Interesting! Now I view her differently, perhaps with more respect, as a fellow traveller and for moving on. This change of opinion was very interesting to me. How do we view people who have experienced violence? Do we stereotype them? Our own views and experiences definitely categorize our views of people, as open minded as we try to be.