As a student in school I had experienced the absolute block that can come with having to write about a subject for which I had no inspiration. I knew the result was never my best work or in any way insightful. I did not want this for the writers in the group. My experiences in the VALTA workshops around being able to choose for myself helped me to feel safe enough to try things I wouldn't have done otherwise. Being free to say "No" made it easier to say "Yes." During the VALTA workshops, we were regularly invited to stand and take part in a in a movement activity. When I felt I was truly free to stay seated, without repercussions, I was able to stand and join in and enjoy myself. I was learning to care for myself by having control and making my own choices, and as a result, feeling safe enough to dare new things. I wanted to share this freedom within the writing group.

On two occasions in the writing group, we all chose individual writing prompts from slips of paper. Laurie and I prefaced both activities by saying that not all prompts are appropriate or comfortable or even inspiring, and that the women were free to choose another slip. One week we had written and talked a lot about the hardships and frustrations of being moms. The women had each been single and/or noncustodial parents, and had shared experiences of deep pain as mothers. The next week I asked them if they wanted to write about the strengths that had come out of those times. (Often they found it harder to talk about strength and joy than pain.) I asked each of them if they were okay with that. They needed the freedom and the control to choose in order to feel safe going further with such emotional work. Doris said she didn't know yet what she would say, but wanted to see where the writing would take her. They had developed an amazing trust in the group and the writing, and felt ready and able to face many emotionally loaded areas from weeks of writing and sharing together. They wrote extensively that day.

Freedom to Care for Self

On the day we wrote about strengths, Wendy asked for a break before we came back to share, and moved about the room clenching and unclenching her hands, bending and stretching. She knew she had control over her own time and body and was able to go further with her writing because of it.

During the months we wrote together, each of the women lived through stressful times. It didn't take long until they felt comfortable enough to say they needed a smoke break or snack, or even to leave the room. Strange as it may sound, I knew we had created a safe place when the women walked out of the room. They understood that we supported them taking care of themselves. Their comfort was more important than sticking to a schedule or completing an exercise. We all found a sense of safety and comfort in letting go of all the things we "should" be doing. I also saw that the women always came back to the room or the group when they were ready. This was a departure from the lessons I had received as a student teacher about keeping control of the class. I find it bizarre now that it was phrased that way to me. My instinct again told me I was on the right track sharing control.