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Kirsten I have a hero. Her name is Kirsten. She's my daughter and she's only two years old. My daughter has changed my life. First let me tell you what my life was like before she came along. When I was growing up my life wasn't a happy one because my stepparents drank a lot. (I was adopted.) I didn't eat well, didn't dress well or even sleep well because my parents were drinking with friends at our house on weekends and sometimes on weekdays too. I couldn't eat because of lots of drinking people at my house and there was no one to cook. On weekdays when I had to go to school, if my mom and dad were drinking there was no one to clean me so I just had to go to school kind of dirty. Some of the kids would tease me and I didn't like it. I was eight at that time. If they drank at my house they were very noisy. I couldn't sleep because they would talk, yell, and sometimes get in fights and it would frighten me. Sometimes I would go to my grandparents' place but some of my uncles were drinking too. I didn't have any choice but to stay. My parents' drinking went on for quite a while. I would cry and hope my parents would stop drinking. My grades were bad when I did go to school. I started failing most of my subjects because it was hard for me to concentrate. It seemed like nobody cared about my having done badly in school. I started thinking that my parents and relatives didn't care about me or if I went to school or not. Instead of going to school and getting my education, I picked the wrong friends. I made friends with kids that dropped out of school, and had started drinking and getting themselves in trouble. Within a year or two I dropped out, too. Knowing I wouldn't go back to school, I found a job and started working as a waitress. Though the wages were bad, I stayed on the job. I applied for other jobs but I couldn't get anything else because of my poor grades from school. I just had to stay with the job I had as a waitress. My life wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. A number of people around me had good jobs and their wages were pretty good, too. So I started thinking that there was no use in living when my life was a mess. I didn't have an education. I didn't have a good job and I had problems at home with my parents. But then I found out that I was pregnant. When I first found out I was pregnant I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want this to happen to me but I was four months at that time. I was having problems with my kidney so I had to stay in the hospital for a week to make sure the baby and I were okay. Sometimes I couldn't sleep and I wanted to die because I wasn't happy about being pregnant. My whole life was a mess and I didn't want the baby to come into this world when everything was going wrong for me. But then one day they did an ultrasound and I saw the baby turning in me. I saw its head and hands and its feet moving. From that day on I was so happy and excited I couldn't stop smiling. I had seen the baby inside me. It was real! On July 19, 1990, I gave birth to a baby girl. She was seven pounds seven ounces, so small and peaceful. I called her Kirsten. Frequently when I think about alcohol, I wonder what I would be like if I drank, though I don't. Would my life be a mess? Would I get into trouble? But, most of all, who would take care of my daughter, the daughter I love so much and the most important thing in my life? Would my daughter then be in the same situation as I was growing up? She probably would! When my daughter Kirsten was born everything changed. I don't think about alcohol any more (what it would be like in my life). I went through all that with my parents when they were drinking while I was growing up. I wanted to go back to school when Kirsten was born because I couldn't raise her without an education and career for myself. I didn't want to live on social assistance all my life. I know that education is the most important thing in my life - something that we need now to get through life if we want to be independent. Most teenagers don't think that, all they think about or want to do is drink and have parties. Some adolescents themselves are parents, too, and are raising their kids. Some of them will drink when their babies are one or two months old or even new-borns. When they drink I wonder how the babies are doing. One thing I've learned is that when people or parents drink a lot they can't take care of themselves or anyone else. My daughter gave me a reason to live. She has shown me that there are a lot of things worth living for and even though some people don't show they care for you, they really do. My daughter gave me hope. I know that I can make it through school and anything else that I want if I just try hard enough. I can do it and I am! Thank you, Kirsten. - Debbie Franki From Courageous Spirits: Aboriginal Heroes of Our Children by Jo-ann Archibald. Mokakit. Available from Theytus Books. Used by permission. |
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