Literacy Work with Memories
This section deals with working with a learner on memories of childhood sexual abuse specifically. However, if you are working with a woman who is dealing with rape or violence in an adult relationship, the material here can be easily adapted. You will want to change the content of the books, videos and other resources you use, but the principles remain the same: the need for the two of you to get ready to work together; for the learner to have control of the process; for you to take care of yourself. The work you both do on reading and writing about the experiences, and the elements of the relationship between you will be similar.

If a woman wants to take on tutoring or participate in a group working directly on the memories of abuse, the stories of abuse can become a central theme for her literacy work. Then literacy learning can become part of a therapeutic process which can help the woman to deal with the trauma of abuse. If at all possible, this literacy work should not be the woman's only support. She will need professional counselling or therapy and the support of friends or family. However, not every woman has access to suitable supports or she may not be ready to seek them out even if they are available.

This section has been written to a tutor working on a one-to-one basis with a learner, so you will need to adapt the material for group situations.

Three key books for supporting someone who is dealing with memories of abuse in her life are: The Courage to Heal, Beginning to Heal, and The Courage to Heal Workbook. They provide a background in how to address the issues. Various chapters from these books are recommended in the next section.

Prepare to work together
Before you even begin to do work together you need to talk about how you are going to work. Revealing details of abuse can be a terrifying process for the learner and difficult to hear for the worker or tutor. Talk together about what will work for you both. Talk about your fears. Don't make assumptions about what is okay. Negotiate how to work together well. Some questions to prompt this talk are:

• What would help us both to feel safe as we do this work together?
• What can we say?
• What can't we say?
• What do we want from each other?
• What do we not want from each other?
• What can we say about this tutoring outside this room?
• What mustn't we say about this tutoring outside this room?
• What do you want in the way of support?
• What I can give in the way of support is
• What I can't give in the way of support is
• What are we afraid of?
• What are our hopes?
• Where do we want to do this work?
• Do we want to be free of interruptions?
• How can we make sure that we are not interrupted, if this matters to us?
• What do we know right now about how we want to work together or about what we want to do together?

If this conversation is difficult you may want to begin by asking whether she has ever felt safe. If she has, you could ask her to describe a time she felt safe and then to tell what about the experience made her feel safe. If she has never felt safe you might ask what has stopped her feeling safe and help her to think about what she would need to feel safe. This exploration may help you to agree together on some ground rules for safety.

Write ground rules
When you have finished this talk, you may both want to write a list of expectations and ground rules about how you will work together. A beginning literacy learner may want to dictate to you, or have you help her write her list. When you have both created a list, read them to each other. You may need to negotiate an agreement if you had any different ideas. Keep these statements so that you can always add to them as you learn new things that you were not clear about at the start.

Remind her you do not believe it was her fault
You may want to state clearly at the start that you do not believe any abuse is the fault of the child or woman who was abused. You may want to make sure that the learner understands that you think no less of her whatever abuse happened to her or whatever ways she survived. If she did anything she judges herself for, such as becoming pregnant as a teenager, or working as a prostitute, she may be sure you will judge her too and believe that it was her fault. A general statement, made at the beginning and repeated every so often, that you do not believe that it was her fault, may help a woman feel less shame and discomfort as she talks to you.