Respond to crises
Many women, as they are beginning to remember and speak or write about their childhood abuse, relive the feelings of terror, panic, pain and helplessness they felt, and could hardly allow themselves to feel, as a child when the abuse took place. These powerful emotions can lead a woman to feel that she cannot bear to feel so much. This may lead to various responses such as numbing out, coldness, avoidance, anger, grief or suicidal feelings. It is not unusual for a survivor who is reliving past traumas to experience many crises.

If the learner you are working with is in such a crisis state, you may want to refer her to, or seek advice from, a therapist, counselor or crisis worker. You could also work together in some of the ways which follow. The response to the crises can include important reading and writing activities which may be invaluable to the woman, as well as part of the curriculum you follow together.

You could read "The Emergency Stage" from Beginning to Heal together. When you have finished reading you could talk about what it felt like to read it. Often recognizing that other women have also felt dreadful as they were in the midst of working on memories of abuse can help a woman to feel less alone. Ask questions such as:

• How well does the author describe the emergency stage?
• Does it feel familiar? Do any of the women's stories remind you of your story?
• How do you think the author knows what it feels like?
• Do you think any of the ideas suggested in the chapter to help you survive the emergency stage would be useful for you?

You need to mention that the phone number in the book is American and check your local phone book to find a rape crisis phone line, or an assaulted women's help line, or suicide prevention lines. If there is a women's line of some sort in your region, women who were abused by men may prefer to call such a line to be sure a woman will answer the phone. Although men working on a suicide prevention line may be well trained to deal with women's issues, a male voice might be difficult for some women. Talk it through. Write down any emergency numbers that the learner thinks she might use. Talk about where she will keep those numbers.

Together you can create a "things to do in a panic" list along the lines of the one in the book. This emergency plan should include the emergency numbers in your region as well as phone numbers of all the friends and family who can offer support. You may need to come back to this list many times to see if there is anything to be added. Encourage the learner to be creative and tap all her resources to support her in times of crisis. She may want to check with those she is hoping can support her to see what help they are willing to give. Do not take on a larger role yourself than you are comfortable with. Be clear what support you can offer and what support you cannot.

Together, you could also create a list of "reasons to hope," or "things which make me smile," or "reasons to stay alive." She could write any of these lists on a series of cards for her to put all over her home to remind her when she is feeling bad.

You could both write a letter of support and faith in her ability to heal and to come through the bad times. Together, you could create a list of others who she could also ask to write such a letter to remind her that others care for her and believe in her.

If you need to return to strategies to survive feeling suicidal you could create a "Suicide Prevention Plan" on the lines of the one in The Courage to Heal Workbook. After you have created this plan together you might want to talk about how it felt to create it. You may want to come back to this plan during future sessions and see if anything should be added or changed.

Help her to believe that it was not her fault
A big issue for many survivors is struggling with the belief that the abuse may have been her fault. There are several reading and writing activities which could focus on this.

Working on helping a survivor to understand why she believes so firmly that it was her fault may help her begin to shift this belief and to let go of some of the shame and the guilt. You could turn to any of the self-help books and look at the section on believing that the abuse was not the survivor's fault. The Courage to Heal has particularly clear explanations on this subject, but it is not very easy to read. You may need to summarize the ideas in easier words.

Reading the stories of other survivors and talking about whether she thinks the abuse they describe was their fault can be powerful. If she thinks it was not their fault, you could talk about why she thinks the abuse she experienced was her fault. This may help her to look at shifting her belief that she must be to blame.

The authors of The Courage to Heal suggest that a survivor should watch children of the same age they were when they were first abused to help them see that the children could not be responsible for any abuse that happened to them. The learner could then write a supportive letter (not to be sent) to a child who had just been abused. This could lead to talk and writing about the support, or lack of it, that the learner received after she was first abused. The learner could write to herself as a child to tell that child why she is not to blame for the abuse that happened to her.