I talked with Betty-Ann on the phone today. Unloaded some of the difficult feelings, thoughts. Felt a weight lifted. What is so magical about talking with someone who understands, with whom there's no need to explain so much? Got a fax from her, too, with lots of significant (to me) supportive comments.

March 5, 1992

I went to another staff meeting at the Learning Centre and told them about the second CCLOW workshop in April. I said that it's important to me that there's more support here. I want someone else to know what it's all about, to be involved with what's going on. There was very little discussion. I said my first preference would be Joy. Ellen again brought up the idea of a learner as the second person. I agree in principle but can't think of anyone appropriate in this situation. Joy and I will talk about it later

March 7, 1992

I had Ellen over for a Saturday afternoon tea. I brought up the CCLOW workshop in April so we could discuss who would be a good candidate for the second person. We talked about Ellen's suggestion that it should be a learner. Again, I said I support that in principle but couldn't think of an actual person in this situation. There's no translation at these meetings and the discussion is not at an appropriate level for any learners I can think of. They would have to be able to not only reflect and analyze, but also be able to articulate thoughts and feelings in a second language. And do it for days on end! I can hardly cope with all the sitting, listening, and talking, and English is my first language!

March 9, 1992

While everyone was working on the computers I sat at the kitchen table and corrected homework. One of the women came over and started talking. Our conversation turned to child and wife abuse - both physical and economic. She said she needed this talk and left at 8:30 to be home with her mom.

Later during the class I talked with another woman about her problems wide ranging and difficult, but we explored possibilities. I agreed to talk with a social worker and got her permission to tell him everything she told me.

I've seen again tonight how women get support for themselves despite ", overwhelming odds. One way is through this Women's Upgrading Program. The pattern is becoming predictable - I've seen it over the past three years. I know the routine, they don't. While I'm happy for them/us and I feel the warm strength in their voices despite some horrible things in their lives, I don't feel the extreme pulls of hope and despair I've felt before when women disclose their lives to me. At first I felt tingly with rage and sadness, as if it was my story they were telling. (And in some ways it is.) And I used to feel such soaring hope that things were really changing - albeit slowly. They were speaking out!