I had a great deal of difficulty being in a relationship and never knew why. I began to think that it was a normal way to be, and everyone who lived like this had these kind of problems. I settled down and had three children, only to have my relationship end in bitterness. I became a battered wife. I was living a life that I had seen my mother live. The alcohol was back in my life; the man was an alcoholic. I experienced 12 years of emotional, mental, physical, spiritual abuse. I had very low self esteem and couldn't believe in myself, that I could ever be capable of doing anything good for myself. I tried running back home to my family, however I was turned away. They had an old belief "You made your bed, you sleep in it". I couldn't fit in again, after the years in residential school and leaving the reserve immediately after that. I would run into other relatives only to be found and abused again. I realized that nobody was ever going to help me, they were afraid to get involved. I felt alone and scared.

Finally, one day, I planned how I was going to leave. It was hard. I knew I wouldn't have the security of a home and would have to fend for myself. One thing I knew for sure was that the abuse would finally stop. It was tough for years.

Eventually I went back to school and got what education I have today. In the years that followed I learned how to survive anything that came my way. The sad part about it was my children saw the abuse I went through. Eventually, all of us went into therapy. It was there we learned to understand ourselves and walk through the pain and put it behind us.

If I had some wishes for myself and children, I would wish that I could have given them a better life and I would wish for them that they could have had a better father. I used to wish I came from a better family and that I never had to go through what I did. However, we all survived and that is what matters most of all today. We can have a better life, if we want to make it.

Today, we still have our problems. They're minor compared to what we came through. Now the children are on their own. I am a grandmother. After the long haul through therapy, I've learned to like myself and to be out-going. I've returned to my native traditional ways. It's helped me cope through my tough times. I carry my beliefs with me every day. I'm free to be myself. I can laugh, close my eyes and know I'm not going to be touched. I'm safe.