At the beginning of the second year of funding a government freeze threatened to stop the group. This money had been promised to us months before. The space question became a space crisis while I spent two months looking for alternate money while trying to keep the group going. I still got my pay cheque but nobody was funding the project for those two months. Without a word, the funding was reinstated. The funders were waiting for the national budget to be passed. Again, forces bigger than myself had me at their mercy. My overwhelming feeling is frustration.

Women and organizing for crisis

A significant number of the mothers who come to our program are chronically homeless, hungry; and engaged in a struggle to keep their children. I wish our program could accommodate this. I see how being woman-positive means recognizing that part of many women's experiences in this country is being poor and chronically in crisis. I have seen in the past that women can't learn to read while they are in crisis, but I felt how much women benefited from being in the group; learning and being part of something even when their lives were going through tremendous change. Women need a place where they are allowed to be outside of all the roles of mother, wife or welfare applicant. The most valuable thing I could hope to do for women is to create a space where they could find community and non-judgmental support.

I see now how because of the lack of supports, we exclude women with children. Supporting mothers does not just mean baby-sitting money. It may mean a place to have the baby-sitting happen in case the woman is being threatened with having her baby taken away or if her home is unsafe (that is, if she has a home). Worry-free childcare. The only reason that women in crisis can work with us is because of their sheer determination to continue, not because we make it easy. This makes me feel ashamed.

Group dynamics

I became aware of how each group member brings with her a different special need. The greater the immediate needs, the greater the space she needs. In working with chronically ill women, homeless women, hungry women, in short, disadvantaged poor women, the spatial needs are great. For a woman in some sort of crisis, it is impossible to say let's deal with it after the group. Often, we are the woman's ongoing link with any agency. Most of our work was trying to help women get linked up with other organizations. My dream would be to have a counsellor on staff available all the time. In the meantime, I hope I have learned enough that I will have more supports in place for the next time.

Most of the women I am working with have never been in a group before. It takes time for the members to get used to each other, build some trust, and find the rules for themselves. Because of this, the group is always in a state of transition. This is another thing that makes my work unique.