But, you ask, who is this sympathetic woman for me? Who can I trust? Others have found success in a letter to an old friend with whom they've kept in touch, writing this time about more than the weather, the garden and other people. Some women have allowed themselves to go and explore until they find someone who will talk and who will listen. Sometimes they will move on to another group, another situation, another pen pal, until they find the people they are seeking.

The Older Women's Network (OWN) is an example of what can happen when like-minded older women come together. Within three years of its origin, this group has begun work on a housing co-op and held a creative craft festival. We have started to - archive the oral histories of extraordinary women who consider themselves to be ordinary. We have held forums on a number of issues and we have lobbied in many ways for social, legal, political and economic changes which will benefit older women, girls and women, and people in general.

When we were very young we were taught to behave in a way which satisfied other people. Our life experiences have taught us that in order to live with self-esteem and dignity, we must be the people we really are. Only when we act on our perception of ourselves as worthwhile human beings will we begin to discover that slowly, as they learn, others will regard us in the same way.

So, if anyone should see you or me sitting in a rocking chair, sipping tea from a bone china cup, let it be because this is what we want to do right now and where we want to do it; not because this is what we ought to be doing, or because we have no place else to , go.

BeverlyJean Brunet is in the first year of her third career. She is an Action Consultant specializing in issues of concern to women. She lives in North York.