something I've always wanted

to write
to flow

onto a page
unencumbered

naked
red

no sanitary
napkins

tampons
shield

just blood
to write

my life
again

a woman
reborn

the floorplan

so there's this room with a blue light over my head a blue light that I always check to see if it's still there & if I am in this room that I can never find in the actual floorplan of my grand- father's house his & not hers though she's there in the doorway when I wake to the sounds of my four year old screams & hers as I kick opa's chest at the foot of my bed what is he doing there anyway what are his hands doing on my belly my belly she always says he's stroking you awake rubbing your belly you naughty child kicking at opa his heart so frail he's sick you know & all he wants is to wake you lovingly stroke your belly & you just keep on kicking & screaming you naughty child opa says nothing in the blue light