Concrete Examples

• Use familiar language.
  Before:
  The laboratory has the ability to test for canning defects using a number of specific criteria and to communicate these defects and access the severity using standard terminology.
  After:
  Scientists in the laboratory test food containers like cans to make sure they are not defective (faulty). If a can is defective the food inside it can make you sick.
  Before:
  Peacekeeping is also a significant component of Canada’s foreign policy and our contribution to the multilateral security system. Fifty years of experience in peacekeeping and participation in an overwhelming majority of peacekeeping missions mandated by the United Nations Security Council has established an international reputation for Canada.
  After:
  Peacekeeping is an important part of Canada’s foreign policy. As a member of the United Nations, Canada has participated in many peacekeeping missions. For more than 50 years, Canadian men and women have been in peacekeeping missions all over the world. Thanks to their efforts, Canada has a reputation as a peacekeeping nation.
• Use the everyday/common meaning of a word rather than the specialized or technical meaning.
  Before:
  CFIA requires that federally registered fish processes implement and adhere to quality systems to ensure the safe production of fish and fish products. CFIA audits these systems. As part of these audits samples are taken for laboratory analyses to ensure criteria are being met.
  After:
  This program helps make sure fish and fish products are produced safely in Canada.
• Ease understanding – expand on less familiar ideas by explaining and defining them.
  Before:
  Drug smuggling is an ongoing problem for us all.
  After:
  Every year, large quantities of drugs come to Canada. Some drugs come by boat. Some drugs come by plane. This is drug smuggling. Drug smuggling is big business. It is against the law.
• Use illustrative examples to help the reader identify with the information.
  Before:
  The CFIA bulletin included a detailed list of client services including those related to food safety and consumer protection. In order to make this information accessible and relevant, a real-life scenario was called for.
  After:
  Melanie was just about to add the boiling water to her oatmeal when she noticed something was wrong. “I could see some brown things in the bowl,” says the Halifax woman. “To my horror, I realized I was looking at mouse droppings. They had somehow got into the dry oatmeal!”
  Melanie knew exactly what she had to do. She picked up the phone and called the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (CFIA) laboratory in Dartmouth. “They asked me to send them the oatmeal so they could analyze it,” says Melanie.“It didn’t take long for them to call me back and
  confirm what I already knew.”
  Thanks to Melanie’s quick action, the oatmeal was sent back to the manufacturer because it was not safe to eat. Once again the CFIA had come to the rescue.
  Melanie’s story illustrates just one example of the type of work done in the Dartmouth laboratory of the CFIA …