FROM THE PLAIN LANGUAGE ASSOCIATION INTERNATIONAL (PLAIN)
www.plainlanguagenetwork.org
(reprinted with permission)

from an insurance company form letter (original)
We have recently implemented an enhancement to our computer system that will enable us to provide better service to our valued customers. This has resulted in a slight delay in the processing of your renewal. The difference you will notice is in the payment schedule. Your annual policy premium has been divided over 11 (eleven) months, and as a result your monthly payment will have increased due to the reduced number of monthly instalments

revised
We are a little late in sending your renewal documents because we have made a change in our computer system in order to provide better service. Your annual premium will now be divided over 11 months instead of 12 so the monthly payment will increase slightly.


from an industrial inspection report
During the inspection, load checking of several tendons in the upper stressing gallery of G4 was witnessed. Several points were raised with the company about this procedure. These were: the numbering of the tendon anchorages, the numbering of strands for load checking and the calibration of the feeler gauge used to determine when tendon lift-off occurred. The company reported that all the loadchecking procedures were under review. The latter point was accepted and would also be incorporated into the procedure. These changes will be reviewed by the author during the next site visit.

revised
During the inspection, I watched load checking of several tendons in the upper stressing gallery of G4 and raised the following points with the company about this procedure: the numbering of the tendon anchorages, the numbering of strands for load checking, and the calibration of the feeler gauge used to determine when tendon lift-off occurred. The company reported that all the load-checking procedures were under review but accepted the last of these points and said they would incorporate it into their procedures. I will review these changes during my next site visit.