There are three stages in the cycle of violence:

1. Tension building:

• put-downs, silent treatments, insults, blaming, threats and questioning abilities, i.e., parenting, managing, money, taking care of the home
• victim tries to please the abuser in any way she can in order to try to avoid an explosion (the "egg-shell" walk)
• victim tries to calm the abuser and tries to figure out what the abuser will do next
• abuser blames the victim for the abuse and his/her anger and in time, the victim begins to blame herself for what is occurring
• the abuser’s behaviours are meant to make the victim second-guess her instinct about whether the abuse is really happening
• as time moves on, the victim may give in more and more to the abuser’s demands
• abuser becomes more controlling
• tension becomes unbearable and most often leads to a violent event
• tension-building phase can last for hours, days, weeks or even months
• abuser is in control during this phase