2. The Explosive Event

The Explosive event can be:

• Emotional
• Physical
• Sexual

The event is usually triggered by things happening to the abuser (i.e., at work, with friends, with money) rather than by what the victim says or does. There is nothing that the victim can do at this time to prevent the explosive event. Also, the abuser may make it difficult or impossible for her to physically leave during the explosion. The explosive event can last for minutes, hours or even days. The abuser is in control during this phase.

Women will sometimes begin to provoke the explosion/abuse. This is to get the explosion over with and to get to the remorse phase quicker.

3. The Remorse Phase:

During this phase, the abuser may say or show that he/she is "sorry". The abuser becomes caring and may make promises about things he/she knows or thinks the victim wants to hear: "I'll quit drinking", "I'll get counselling", "I'll never hit you again." These promises may be requests the victim has made during the tension building phase.

• This behaviour may create false hope for the victim and she hopes the abuse will not occur again.
• The abuser acts like he/she is trying to change; she thinks she is responsible to make the relationship work.
• The victim feels that she is in control during this phase because the abuser does many things that the victim wants. However, she is not in control because the abuser's goal during this phase is to hook the victim back into the relationship and the abuser will decide when the tension-building phase will start again.