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5. Practising skills: Saying no
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* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Learners might
ask for a date to see a movie. This can help women relax and practise the steps
of assertive asking. Then learners can ask for something related to sex (for
example, to use a condom).
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
For suggestions
on different ways to be assertive, see The Education /Prevention Workshop
for Women on HIV/AIDS, STDs, Sexuality and Self-Esteem, by Centre
for AIDS Services Montreal (Women).
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* Using the four steps to assertive saying no, practise refusing
unsafe sex.
* You can repeat the format you used for the section on
assertive asking (E-3, above). For example:
(1) "I really like you."
(2) "I won't have sex unless we
use a condom."
(3) "I want to protect both of us."
(4) "Let's think
about it for a while and talk again."
* Some questions to consider:
- What happens if someone assertively asks for safer sex, but
the other person assertively says no, they want unsafe sex? Who sets the limit
on how close they will be?
- Does one person have to do what the other person wants?
(No.)
- Do they have to have unsafe sex? (No.)
- If they can't agree on what kind of sex they will have, what
happens? (They do not have to have sex.)
6. Role play
* Ask the group do so some role plays of assertive asking and
assertive saying no.
* You can rehearse the role play in a group: Divide your group
into two groups and assign roles. Each group discusses their role. Group #1
says the first statement of an assertive request. Group #2 gives an assertive
refusal. Use each of the four steps. Then the groups can change roles.
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* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
You can use
assertive asking and saying no, as well as role playing, in many ways. Learners
can ask to use a dam or a condom for oral sex, to have only sexual touching,
that their limits in sex be respected, or ask not to have sex.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
There are many
sources: Education/ Prevention Workshop for Women on HIV/AIDS, STDs,
Sexuality and Self-esteem; Taking Care; or Isolating the Barriers and
Strategies for Prevention: A Kit about Violence and Women's Education for Adult
Educators and Adult Learners. Also see "Choices for Women in the Age of
AIDS."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A Bill of
Rights can be a positive way to deal with a difficult subject.
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* Ask the group to role play in partner pairs. (Offer the option
of being an observer instead of participating.) Before you begin, plan what a
woman will do if she can not think of an assertive "no" statement. You might
suggest, "I can't explain it to you, but I can't do that; it doesn't feel right
for me."
* Some suggestions for roles:
- A asks for a date; B refuses.
- A asks to use a condom; B refuses;
- A asks for sex without a condom; B refuses.
* Discuss how participants and observers felt during the role
plays.
7. Writing
* Read a Bill of Rights.
* Ask questions to help learners
identify sexual rights.
- Do people have a right to their feelings? choices? limits?
to change their minds?
- Do they have to explain?
- Should they be pressured?
- Do people have the right to help if they need it?
- Does a woman "owe" a man sex?
* Make a Sexual Bill of Rights, either individually or together.
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