8. Case study 1: Pressure

image These two case studies (E-8 and E-9) invite learners to distinguish between pressure and force. The discussion about the case studies may lead women to disclose violence in their lives.

* Present this case study: When Matthew and Linda had gone out for awhile, Matt said, (1) "We don't need condoms any more. (2) "Trust me." (3) "I'm clean." (4) "If you don't trust me it means I can't trust you." He was angry as he said the last sentence. Linda is afraid that Matt will leave her if she doesn't do what he wants. She doesn't want to be alone.

* Some questions to consider:

  • How are each of Matt's four statements pressure?
  • Does he makes it hard for Linda to disagree? How?
  • Does he try to get Linda to change or ignore her feelings? How?
  • Does he let Linda think he might leave her? How?
  • If Linda gives in to pressure, is she responsible if she gets HIV or another STD?
  • What choices can Linda make?
  • Where could Linda get support to choose safer sex? (Safer sex/STD counsellor.)
  • If Linda lived here, where could she find a safer sex counselor?

9. Case study 2: Force

* Present this case study: Carla learned that Bob had unsafe sex before, so she asked Bob to have an HIV test. "Are you saying I have AIDS? You're crazy! I'm healthy! Don't ever talk about this again," he said, raising his fist. "Or you'll be sorry."

* Some questions to consider:

  • Would it be safe for Carla to talk about condoms?
  • If it isn't safe to be assertive, should women be assertive? (No.) What can a woman do instead?
  • What is the difference between pressure and force? What is force?
  • Might Carla decide that worrying about HIV is not her main problem now? Why or why not?
  • Is Carla responsible if she or her baby gets HIV or other diseases? (No.) Why is it not her fault?
  • How could a counselor for safer sex help Carla?
  • Where else could Carla go for help?
  • Is forced sex unsafe sex?

10. Practise assertive responses to pressure

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
How do you decide if it is a pressure statement? You might ask, "Does it make the woman feel uncomfortable, or that her needs are not important, or that there is something wrong with her request?" The more statements there are on the list, the easier it is to identity pressure statements.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
See also "Women and AIDS: Choices for Women in the Age of AIDS," page 6.


* List things a man might say when he does not want to use a condom.
* Decide which ones are pressure statements, and put a star beside them.
* Examples of pressure statements:

  • Sex isn't unsafe because I love you.
  • If you really like me, you'd...
  • We can't afford condoms.
  • You're selfish.
  • I want to go natural.
  • I'll put it on soon; don't worry.

* Review the parts of an assertive response (page 163).
* Reply to one pressure statement at a time, giving an assertive response. For example:

  • You don't like me. (I do like you; I want to protect us both.)
  • I had a test. (Were you tested for all STDs? Let's have safer sex until we see a counselor.)

* Discuss what makes it hard for a woman to respond assertively to pressure.
* You can role play pressure statements and responses in the large group or in partner pairs.

11. Group exercise: setting limits

* Learners negotiate their boundaries with each other. Explain the exercise and ask one partner pair to begin. One person stands still and the other walks towards her, beginning 20 feet away if possible. The rest of the group observes. (This can help the pair feel safe - it is public).

  • The walker walks slowly towards the standing person.
  • The stander must tell the walker when to stop, or back up, and how close she wants the walker to be. If she is silent, the walker continues walking.
  • At any time the walker may stop, and say, "This is where I want to stop." She may stand there a while, choose to go closer if invited, or back up.
  • The distance between the two people is always established by the person who wants to be furthest away.
  • After the partners have negotiated a distance, the pair changes roles.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I learned this exercise from a college leadership-training course with Ron Witort.



* When all have participated who want to, ask participants and observers to share what they wish to and discuss the experience. Some questions to consider:

What do you think?*
Handout 164
  • What did you find easy or hard about the exercise?
  • Ask questions to help learners make links between this and setting other boundaries.

12. Reading: "What Do You Think?"

* Ask learners to complete "What do you think?" (page 164), which identifies skills and behaviors needed for safer sex choices and asks where women can practise these skills.

* Invite learners to share and discuss their answers.


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